One of my colleagues recently said, “I’ve always been there for others in their time of need, but now that I need someone, I feel abandoned by those I counted on”. This hit me hard.
I wish she had been selfish for herself at least for a fraction of her time that she never had these words spilled. She is in her early fifties, a very strong lady, unmarried, who invested much of her time looking after her mother even though she has siblings who got married and are well-settled in their lives.
I wish we all were taught the lessons to be selfish for our dreams and selfish for our time. We have witnessed sacrifices more than self-love throughout our lives especially from our roots.
Recent days, I have learnt to appreciate the power of craving time for oneself. I don’t know if you can relate, but small talk doesn’t delight me anymore. I find no happiness engaging in idle chatter or superficially discussing the lives of others.
I am happiest when I’m at home, nestled on my sofa in the corner, surrounded with books, crafting our next travel itinerary, focusing on life and my small world. Investing time in myself excites me, while attending gatherings troubles me greatly. The overthinking mini-me in my head churns with numerous questions: what if the topic fails to captivate me? What am I supposed to contribute to the conversation? How can I politely express my disinterest in small talk? And how do I avoid getting pulled into negative discussions? The transition from being an extreme extrovert to a drastic introvert is unfolding right before my eyes.
Have you been put in situations- Where you feel you are running out of topics but can’t come out of that because you are supposed to be involved? When you have a lot of things on your head, but you are expected to be smiling and not ruin the mood? Have you experienced having plenty to share, but you struggle to find the right people to share with? Or when you cherish being at home, but you feel compelled to be in the midst of a crowd? There have been times when I’ve suffocated with people around me. Please let me know if I’m not struggling with this alone!
I have observed people talking behind others’ backs, even within circles they believe to be trustworthy. I’ve witnessed individuals taking others for granted to serve their own selfish needs. I have witnessed people being envious of their immediate friends and unhappy in their success.
Setting aside factual considerations, I believe everyone should derive some time for self- analysis once every week or ideally twice a week, regardless of their stage or age in life. Reserving time for yourself to know yourself better, to know your wants and needs, to manifest and to make things happen.
In my world, you can see people who are all about painting the town red, mingling, and soaking up the gossip. There are people in their late fifties who are party animals, and I’m not knocking it! Everyone’s got their thing. Ultimately, it’s about doing what lights up your mind and heart. Finding happiness in what we do is what it’s all about.
So, it’s like this: you got to decide what or who deserves your time. If traveling puts a smile on your face, then go for it. If diving into a good book is your thing, then just keep on reading. We all deserve to make choices that bring us happiness in life.
I hope you enjoyed reading the small piece of my heart. I’ll be back with another lesson, until then, take care.
With love,
Manasa
Well written Manasa!!